Campus Life

Mahon to take part in Jail N' Bail

University of Lethbridge President Mike Mahon will be carted off to 'prison' January 18, 2013 for charges which relate to taking his zeal for campus fitness to extremes -- providing a fleet-footed team of law enforcement officials can catch him.

The less gruesome details of Mahon's charges, which can be revealed prior to his court date (now confirmed as January 18) involve:

- Imposing an exercise plan for all Deans and senior managers which one source said was literally heart-breaking: Until people 'shape up', desks have been replaced with treadmills.

- Turning the annual "Fun Run" into a three-day ordeal where participants followed the Oldman River valley from Lethbridge to Pincher Creek. It was described by the few delusional, gasping participants found by search and rescue teams as "…bad." Mahon is reported to have paddled upstream in a canoe, shouting what he believed were words of encouragement at the runners through a large bull-horn: "You are Pronghorns! Pronghorns run fast! Don't look at the rocks!"

- Demanding that the grounds staff use shovels to clear parking lot snowfall, citing the extra boost in cardio-vascular benefits, and on-the-job injury management training for Health Sciences Nursing students.

- Increasing the pace of the convocation March up the hill by chasing the procession with a street-sweeper and a team of students wielding leaf-blowers, even on windy days.

Mahon is vigorously denying the charges and, when approached by a horde of reporters, ran briskly into the coulees.

He has not been seen since.

He will face a jury of his community peers at the Canadian Cancer Society's Jail-n-Bail event, which takes place January 17-18 at Centre Village Mall.

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